"Sooner or later I'll find my place
Find my body better fix my face"
- The Divinyls, Pleasure and Pain, 1985
Well, thish ish going to be a short note. That'sh becaush I have a shpeech impediment, ash you can shee.
About 90 minutesh ago I had the shpack filler putty shcraped off my teeth - fantastico! - and had the orthodontic devicsh fitted.
The devicsh is a plate, deshigned to push my (remaining) front teeth back into placsh. It should take a couple of monthsh. After that, the final csheramic capsh & bridgework will be done and then, finito.
Have you ever had an orthodontic plate? I remember them from unfortunate shchoolmates, and even back then they looked unpleashant.
As I shtood in the dentisht's shurgery thish morning, I eyed off the plate with trepedation. The wire hooksh and ringsh protruded shuggeshtively from the transhlucshent fluoro plashtic mould. It drew the eye like a torture devicsh - ugly yet fashcinating, I couldn't look away.
The following shesshion in the chair wash, while not exshactly a party, a shmall matter compared to shitting up and facshing the world with the damned thing in. Oncshe I got the dry-retching under control, I realished that I was almosht unable to form coherent shpeech. Having shpent my entire adult life in a professhion where the primary indishpenshible shkill ish talking, thish ish like being mocked by fate.
There'sh been no shortage of mocking from my colleaguesh thish morning alsho. Reconshtructive dental work ish one thing you can't hide from other people. I have tried to be a shport about it, but I did demand 6 monthsh' good behaviour from the pershon who ashked me to recshite the "She sells sea shells..." tongue twishter. Ha ha, very funny.
Shuffishe to shay (I won't shay THAT trite phrashe again while I've got thish plate in!) I will have to shpend the weekend re-learning how to shpeak, eshpecshially the shibilant shoundsh.
Inshtead perhapsh I should work on my Sean Connory impresshion:
"Shaken, not shtirred."
2 comments:
If you're speaking like you're typing, then you'll need some kind of waterproof membrane for your keyboard, phone... ;-)
Gives the epithet, "I spit on you!" a whole new realism...
:-)
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